The best thing about my rides is that they are educational. And I'm not talking only about the history I get to relive while riding, but about the things I learn about myself on these rides. Here's a few things I learned about myself this summer:
1. The worst rain storm I've ever ridden in is the last one I rode in. I hit rain in Kentucky, then again in Oklahoma, and then again in Tennessee and Virginia. Everyone of those storms seemed like hell under water at the time I was riding through them. I couldn't see and since every one of them but Oklahoma occurred on interstates, each brought it share of terror with traffic moving all around me. (I was out in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma, so at least that one was a private hour or so of terror.) I actually remember having to remind myself to breathe a few times and I was gripping the handle bars so tight I'm surprised I don't have permanent finger imprints in them. Still, I rode on and survived. Maybe they weren't that bad. Ah, hell no, they ABSOLUTELY were that bad! I had no business riding in that stuff, yet I did. In hindsight it was stupid to keep riding, but I've never been very good at pulling over and waiting out the storm. The second lesson with this one is, LEARN TO PULL OVER AND WAIT OUT THE STORM!
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| More rain! ugh! |
2. I can be alone without being lonely. I probably already knew this about myself, but this trip in particular made that clear to me. Luckily, I got to see friends in Colorado and family in Oklahoma and Texas, so that helped prevent any hits of homesickness. Plus Renee came to Texas in the middle of the trip, so I got to see her too. Still, like all my single rider trips, I found myself eating alone, sleeping alone, and hanging out alone. I think I like myself well enough that being alone wasn't the worst thing. Don't get me wrong. I love my family and friends, but I can do "alone" when I need to. I don't relish being alone, but I'm good with just hanging out with me.
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| One of the lonely roads I traveled this summer. |
3. I'm convinced I am reincarnated from the 19th century. I can't get enough of the history associated with the 1800's. It doesn't matter if it is the history of riding herd from Texas to Kansas, just riding across the plains, or the worst of our US history related to the Civil War. I have an incredibly deep sense of connection with that era. As I write this I can't find the words to describe what I feel when I visit places that are a part of this history. It feels not only like I've been there before, but almost like I never left. Maybe my old life and new life cross some supernatural, electrical path in these places. Regardless, it's a feeling that draws me back and one that I hope I never lose.
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| Yee haw...get along little dogie! |
4. I still don't know whether these trips are my way of running away from something or running toward something. Probably neither given I believe sometimes we just do things just because we can. However, "Running toward" something sounds more positive, so I suppose I want to believe that, but who knows. I do take advantage of the trips to learn about the area I am riding through and find something interesting to see, but that's not why I go. Maybe it's just a need to spend some time sorting things out in my head. There's nothing like riding a motorcycle for 800 miles in a day to give you time to think. Still, I can't honestly sit here and say that I am thinking profound thoughts all the time. Some of it is the same ol' drivel that meanders through our brains at any given time. But, the total collection is a feeling of contentment that makes it all worthwhile.
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| This ride was easy to define. I was riding toward something...my little Kayla... |
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| ...the wonderful wedding of my niece, Stephanie, to her love Cameron... |
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| ...and the great time I had at Josh's and Jillian's wedding that created the excuse for this ride in the first place! |
5. I mentioned earlier that I am OK with being alone. The most important thing I learned is that I like me. As fucked up as I am in so many ways, (Ask Renee, I think she's keeping a list) still, I like myself and that's a really nice place to be. Don't get me wrong. Life isn't a bunch of puppy dogs and rainbows. I mess up on a regular basis. Still, I have a good life, full of wonderful family and friends and that's a pretty good predicament to be in. So, if you struggle with liking yourself, here's some advice. Give yourself a break. Everyone screws up. We talk about forgiveness for others, but sometimes, it's hardest just to forgive yourself. You owe it to yourself to grant you a little forgiveness and give yourself a pass. Screwing up is a part of life. Getting up and doing better is the important part of life.
'Til next time.
P.S. One last confession. I really like the song Say Something by A Great Big World that features Christina Aguilera. The passion and emotion they convey in that song always gets me. Does that make be a candy-ass? Maybe, but it's still a good song.
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